Sukhoi Su-27 flight

February 27, 2004

First department reps swiftly conducted an identity check and gave me the go- ahead to both enter the aerodrome and fly.

The weather turned out to be totally inclement. All of Moscow’s airports were closed for landing. We sat in the smoking lounge waiting for them to call us in. From time to time I was taken to see various old timers who picked out trousers for me and adjusted my helmet, jacket, and various other accoutrements. After that I was advised to have breakfast (I had conscientiously fasted, worried about blowing chunks during the flight). The pastry and kompot calmed me down completely. A little while later the meteorologists gave us the green light.

Technicians were swarming all over the plane, each one blowing into a different tube and pulling at a different flap. As I was approaching the stairs one of the old-timers pointed to the cockpit and said to me in English:

— Please, sit down!

He was used to ferrying foreigners around. He relaxed upon hearing that I was Russian:

— Ah, one of ours, good. Because, f#ck man, how the f#ck am I supposed to figure out who it is that’s flying.

One of the technicians game me a barf bag — they didn’t have any dedicated bags so it was just a regular plastic grocery bag the size of about half of my body. They really pulled out all the stops, didn’t they!

They closed the aircraft canopy. The pilot quickly went over how the communications system works and started the engines. We taxied to the runway. The sensations were phenomenal even while we were still on the ground. The sushka, or bread ring, as the Sukhoi Su-27 is affectionately known, resembles a space motorcycle — you ride along at a height of five metres with panoramic views. The cabin warmed up as the heater kicked in.

We took off and were immediately up in the clouds. A few seconds later we emerged, surrounded by a vast expanse of sky: candy floss below, blue skies above. The sensations are completely different from what you get when looking out through the porthole of an airliner.

The programme included aerobatic manoeuvres. I was aware of this, and I also remembered that I’d had a tough time on the Kirov Central Culture and Leisure Park ride. I therefore decided to ask the pilot to go easy on me, as if I were a grandpa, as soon as we’d taken off. But I wasn’t feeling sick, so the pilot asked:

— Wanna steer?

It would’ve been extremely stupid of me to turn down the offer. I thought to myself: “There’s no bloody way”, but into the microphone I said:

— Yes.

Steering a plane is surprisingly easy and pleasant (on the proviso that you’re not aware of the number of operations per second the pilot is performing in order to give you that impression).

— Now let’s do a loop.

Your arms start to feel like they weigh twenty kilos each. Only your eyes can still move. The clouds were above us again — we flew into a loop with a radius of 2 kilometres.

— One more time.

G-force: 5-6g. An automated female voice informs us: “Maximum angle of attack exceeded”. She keeps repeating this, but it doesn’t mean anything.

— How about a barrel roll.

— Now you do a barrel roll.

We rotate on our own axis.

I take the yoke and turn it to the right. I have no idea about the engine control going on while I do this. However, I can feel it in my legs: the pilot is constantly alternating between the right and left pedals, which control the rudder.

— Now the other way.

The thrill is just as good in the other direction.

— Аnd now a tailslide.

We soar straight up and everything goes quiet. I know I should’ve been looking at the altimeter arrow, but I had other things on my mind. We were falling in that same position. Then the engines started and we slowly tilted forward.

The heavy cloud below made everything feel surreal. Had there been clear skies with views of the forest, river, and villages below, I don’t think I could’ve fully relaxed like I did. The only thing that irritated me during the flight was the oxygen tube. It stank of talcum powder and rubber so badly that I had to unclip it. We flew around for a bit longer before turning back.