Caga TioMapDecember 9–10, 2014 Catalonia has a very special Christmas tradition.  At the beginning of December, a small log appears in every house.  Or, in some places, a big log.  They’re everywhere.  This log is called Tió. It’s available for sale in every Catalan supermarket alongside other holiday merchandise.  Tió has a distinctive smiley face on one end of the log, with a distinctive nose and eyes.  Tió always has a little red beret and a blanket covering his back.  Tió has two front legs.  He comes in sizes for every taste.  Much like the snowman’s, Tió’s image varies very little.  The Catalan tradition consists of the following. Every night, children are supposed to feed Tió candy. If a child has been misbehaving, Tió might not eat. But usually he eats everything. On Christmas Eve, Tió must be beaten with a stick to make him poop out sweets. Catalan children do this while singing scatological songs with the words “Shit, log!” Good children’s logs will produce a shitload of candy. (This doesn’t cancel out normal Christmas presents provided by normal saints.)  In some places, children beat the crap out of a massive log on the town square.  It should be noted that the figure of the shitter is an archaic one and common all throughout Catalonia.  Everybody shits.  Farmers and athletes.  Soccer players.  Bob Marley, Madonna and Freddie Mercury.  Fidel, Putin, Queen Elizabeth and Berlusconi.  Everyone without exception shits, from Darth Vader to Kenny. 
It’s unsurprising that Tió also shits alongside the rest. He has a Catalan ribbon around his neck. Shit, log! |
