IndoEthnoExp. Part I. Delhi, AmritsarMapMay 23 — June 13, 2015 The India Ethnographic Expedition party all together. ![]() We got an Air India Boeing-787. Also known as the Dreamliner. The flight attendants, male and female, are surprisingly old and unattractive. The food is terrible. On the plus side, Boeing’s electric dimming windows become out of this world beautiful as the day breaks. ![]() There’s polystyrene in between the Dreamliner’s windows! I can just imagine how everyone would mock the poor Russian-made Sukhoi Superjet if it contained polystyrene. ![]() DheliMapAt the airport we saw a guy, very businesslike, scrubbing the wing of an airplane with a floor mop. ![]() The outside of the Air India plane’s windows is decorated in the style of an Indian house. When Indians get rich and start manufacturing their own airplanes they will make the windows the right shape to begin with. ![]() For now they can only afford to do this to building windows. ![]() Dehli airport has the world’s most beautiful passport control area, complete with six metre high mudras. Even Changi airport would be jealous. ![]() Boys go left, girls go right. Yes, these are the toilets at the airport. ![]() Tuk-tuks in Dehli are painted in the same colours as curbs and railing fences in Moscow. ![]() The local metro is built by Russians — Metrostroy. ![]() The train network in Dehli is highly developed. The back of the last carriage of each train is marked with a big X. That means it’s the end of the train. ![]() Miraculously, we made our train with just one minute to spare. The porter helped out. ![]() Our 3rd class carriage. ![]() In each compartment there are three ceiling fans, firmly fixed at just the right angle. ![]() The occupants of the top berths are too lazy to reach down to the windows (the windows are very low down), so they leave their rubbish on the fans’ safety nets. ![]() All carriages are equipped with a multitude of one-litre water bottle holders. ![]() Posts are being penned. The Indian Ethnographic Expedition is well and truly underway. It turns out that our carriage was built in February 2015. Like everything else in India, trains are quick to adapt. ![]() AmritsarMapThe train ran late, arriving in Amritsar at night. Part of the colonial legacy — British station name signs. Many readers will have seen something similar in London. ![]() A curious tradition — lists of passengers with reserved seats are printed on perforated paper and stuck on the outside of each carriage. Not quite sure who is actually going to read this faint matrix printer printout. ![]() India constantly reminds me of XIX century Russia. I bet that this is exactly how muzhiks slept on goods packages. ![]() Ethnographic fact: since it’s so hot in India, the local arse ablutions culture is highly developed. Toilet paper costs money, but offers little in the way of hygiene. Hence they use water. But here’s an unfortunate detail — local arse washing spouts are positioned a couple of centimetres too far up (the correct positioning can be seen on all toilets in Turkey). The thing is, when you sit on the crapper, your anus is level with the mid- point of the toilet bowl rim. By contrast, in India the jet of water flows from the top of the rim, meaning it doesn’t go where it’s supposed to. ![]() The city is full of bearded men in turbans. ![]() The local women uphold high moral standards. When riding mopeds they hang both legs down one side, eschewing the indecent cowgirl pose. ![]() Cute electrical cabinets with meters are reminiscent of an apartment building. The old cabinet was fired from his job and dumped nearby. ![]() Armitsar is home to a major Sikh holy site — the Golden Temple — thus higher moral standards apply in half of the city. Even the Maccy D’s here is vegetarian. ![]() The Pizza Hut is vegetarian too. ![]() Bearded guys. ![]() Temple guards with pikes and beards. ![]() Visitors take photos and wash their feet in holy water, which has giant goldfish swimming in it. ![]() You have to queue for hours on end to get into the structure with the most gilding. Nothing of interest for an Orthodox Christian in there. ![]() Still can’t get over the remarkable beards the locals sport. ![]() By the looks of it, they started growing theirs when they were still in kindergarten. ![]() We visited the main atheist attraction — the Indian-Pakistani border closing ceremony. The show is free and takes place daily. We made a commendable effort to get ourselves ready for the spectacle. ![]() By day this is a working border. ![]() In order to get into the stands you have to endure at least two body searches, balls fondle included. Petya is coming to terms with what has just happened, Andrei is in the process of getting fondled. ![]() A monument to Indian-Pakistani friendship. ![]() Try to get into the stand for white people or, better still, the VIP stand. Otherwise you can’t see a fucking thing nor understand what’s going on. The plebs stands are kitted out with spectator-catching nets and slides, so that it’s easy to get out if there’s a commotion or if it gets overcrowded. ![]() The white sector isn’t just a figure of speech. Local soldiers watch vigilantly to ensure that white people sit separately, blowing their whistles and wagging their index fingers to usher all of the Indians into the plebs zone. ![]() The show itself is best viewed on BBC programme “The Ministry of Silly Walks”. It’s worth noting that the ceremony itself is a total shambles. Audience members constantly jump up and run out onto the road; meanwhile the soldiers constantly blow their whistles at them and try to restore order. However, there’s no railing, so order is short-lived. ![]() Here’s a prime example: the woman who was sitting next to me on the curb. ![]() The ceremony is utterly hilarious. The soldiers cluck like roosters and walk around just like in the Ministry of Silly Walks. ![]() Here’s an excellent idea — as the crowd makes its way back after the ceremony, you have the chance to find and take back all of the cigarettes, lighters, screwdrivers and all the other bits and bobs they found in your balls and confiscated on the way in. ![]() Our hostel is located in a designated Sikhism, vegetarianism and temperance zone. But how can we go without booze? I took a pedicab to a neighbourhood located outside of the virtue zone. There you can get any tipple you fancy, plus it smells like meat skewers! ![]() |
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may–june 2015
IndoEthnoExp. Part I. Delhi, Amritsar
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