Altai. Part I

July 19–23, 2007

Novosibirsk

I know it’s hard to believe, but there’s now a run-of-the-mill, presentable airport in Novosibirsk, instead of the vegetable depot with a potato conveyor belt they used to have.

On the road heading East there are lampposts, skilfully integrated into the power lines.

As you drive out of the city you are requested to turn on your dipped beams. How touching. By the way, a large number of drivers don’t switch on their lights solely because they don’t want to fork out money for new bulbs. I always put on my dipped beams, I still do, and will continue doing so — let them shine, I say, even if I get fined for it (the rules only require it outside the city).

When leaving the city, turn on your headlights

Novoaltaysk

I had barely recovered from the cultural shock of seeing hammers and sickles, alive and kicking, in Vyazma, when scrawnier, but equally authentic hammers and sickles appeared before me in Novoaltaysk.

Everything is going to be just fine.

You don’t say.

Gynaecology and cosmetology clinic

Barnaul

No sooner had I recovered from the cultural shock of seeing the hammers and sickles, alive and kicking, in Novotaltaysk, when heftier, but equally authentic hammers and sickles appeared before me in Banaul. I listened to my wristwatch, but it was in good ticking order — it is indeed the 21st century.

Corrections: they omitted the dash over the “й”, forgot the dash before the word “member” (city in Russian), and the space preceding the exclamation mark is wholly unnecessary. Also, they could’ve shifted the “l” in Barnaul much farther away.

Barnaul member of the Order of the October Revolution !

The city is at that stage of its development when the money spent on outdoor advertising overrides any high- minded considerations about the main streets’ natural beauty.

There’s one good coffeeshop in Barnaul — “Viva la coffee” on Lenin Street. You absolutely must try the blueberry cheesecake in this coffee junkie’s paradise. Although, to be fair, it only deserves a 4/5 — the outside is too moist and not very tasty. By world standards the coffee barely merits three out of five stars, but by Russian standards it’s a solid 4+. They draw hares on the latte foam.

In short, this is the Hollywood of the Altay region. They’re ever so close. All that’s left to do is learn how to space capital letters properly.

Moving on.

Barnaul, may you grow and flourish!

Somewhere between Barnaul and Byisk sits an example of egregious driver bullying — the “Stop” sign is as high as one and a half “Ikarus” buses. Some auto repair shop is using it to lure in clients. They deserve to get their balls torn off for such tactics. (Readers have informed me that by 17 August 2007 their balls were indeed torn off, and the sign torn down).

You can go and see the Gherman Titov museum in the village of Polkovnikovo. The exhibits include a report by the cosmonaut describing at which point during the flight he had lunch and at which turn he used the space lavatory.