The Return of Moumousique. Part I

July 03–08, 2009

Winter went by, followed by spring. Summer arrived. The authorized dealership in Krasnoyarsk, which had been repairing Moumousique since November, told me that everything was finally done. I immediately returned to Moscow from Kiev in order to fly out for the car right away. On the one hand, it had became obvious that the dealership didn’t really give a crap about fixing my car; on the other hand, I wanted to take another stroll through Krasnoyarsk and stretch my legs by driving back to Moscow before embarking on UkrEthnoExp.

At Sheremetyevo Airport, I was almost denied boarding because I took a photo of a drunk couple at the gate. A disapproving airport employee called security, and the cops who showed up employed the “tired bear” approach: they described, in detail, how they wouldn’t let me on the plane and there would be zero consequences for them, because even a court of law would take their side. In turn, I responded with the “vanishing fairy” trick: any photos they might have taken issue with were gone when I showed them what was on my camera.

Krasnoyarsk

Upon landing, I discovered that the dealership had begun replacing the transfer case (the last item on the repairs list) only after I’d arrived. So I ended up having to spend two and a half days in Krasnoyarsk. In the course of the repairs, they had managed to completely rip out Moumousique’s antenna cable and also smash the winch control box. The dealership had discreetly secured all the loose parts with clamps, hoping I’d only discover the traces of their senseless vandalism sometime later.

The elevator’s “over capacity” pictogram serves as an excellent illustration of the current state of Russian graphic and industrial design, and also symbolizes the attitude of Land Rover dealerships towards their customers.

Sherbinskiy Elevator-Building Plant

There are postings about rooms for rent or private guesthouses on every lamppost. It’s unclear why overnight accommodations are being advertised so actively here.

From 1275 rubles bed/night

Krasnoyarsk is still as lovely as ever. Artificial winter trees continue to perform their job in the summer.

The Big Ben-esque clocks seem to have stopped multiplying.

The economic crisis has reached Krasnoyarsk: trash can liners are being endlessly reused.

Someone tried to steal a granite ball.

Amazingly enough, neon signs are very common here. Neon makes any sign look prettier, and while it may not give it any additional meaningfulness, it certainly adds soul, confidence and depth. And has a positive effect on the city as a whole.

Mariinsk

All the photos I took in Mariinsk somehow mysteriously disappeared from my computer (I blame the horrible interface of Apple’s photo software). Good thing there wasn’t anything interesting in this city anyway.

Kemerovo

There are signs with strange Orthodox Christian road safety propaganda at every entrance into the city.

God helps those who help themselves

Trash collection from passing vehicles is a major concern here. There are large dumpsters on every major roadway in the city’s outskirts. The idea is that drivers will pull over and toss their trash bags into the dumpsters.

Inside the city proper, there are smaller and neater dumpsters with various messages and slogans.

For you, drivers

The Lenin on the main square is wearing a women’s coat.

As it turns out, Kemerovo is the home of the impossibly decorative traffic lights we previously saw in Achinsk and Divnogorsk.

Street signs are set up on intersections.

You’d be hard-pressed to find a Kemerovian who doesn’t enjoy sitting out in front of their house.

The building numbers are large enough to be visible from a distance. If only it were like this everywhere.

Lenin Avenue, 164

The governor is constantly thinking about his constituents.

Governor’s Transport Program

It’s all about the people in Kemerovo.

Attention! Deaf pedestrian

Wood planks are laid down so that people don’t have to walk through mud.

Kiosks have canopies that protect customers from rain.

Public transportation vehicles are decorated with lace curtains.

Why is all this being done? Because it’s so depressing here that otherwise everyone would simply hang themselves.

Novosibirsk

Novosibirsk continues to please with its attention to improving traffic and safety conditions.

Your speed: 55

Every street has a raised concrete median, which is how things should be.

The city speed limit is advertised to pedestrians.

60—Don’t forget!

An excellent idea: providing a phone number that anyone can call to complain about the lack of a traffic sign.

Traffic sign lacking? Have traffic management suggestions? Call 05 002

Another new development in Novosibirsk: when you start driving after standing at the light, a sign displaying the recommended speed lights up in front of you.