Kremlin weekendJuly 2, 2006 KolomnaMapI set out to clear Kolomna’s good name in my own eyes (see winter story).  I clambered up onto the wall of the Kolomna kremlin. It’s guarded by one vityaz, warrior hero of Russian folk epics, and one dog. The vityaz let me shoot his crossbow and do a spot of knife throwing.  The wall is closed to the public because it’s being restored.  The kremlin wall offers splendid views of the city.   Kolomna is mighty fine in the summertime.  I was only badgered for money once this time round.  This is the place to get a bite to eat: 
Café There’s an art gallery above the café. Its staff are learning to politely redirect those who’ve dialled the wrong number: 
The phone number of the chemist everyone keeps asking about There’s a military training ground right in the centre of town. 
Prohibited area, Local history buffs decided to share their knowledge with passers-by. That’s why you see memorial and information plaques here and there. Before we had computers no one had any idea just how illiterate people really are. These days it’s nigh on impossible to find a sign without any mistakes in it (and even harder to spot one with sophisticated font work). For instance, in the word страннопрiимный, which means almshouse, the i should come before the и, not the other way round (cf. § 23, while we’re on the subject). Also, there’s no need for a space before the closed square bracket. Also, one space between the words pilgrims and could is quite sufficient. Also, the word combo design layout should be replaced with layout design. Also, people who write sentences with two colons in them shouldn’t be allowed to put pen to paper, ever. Also, the family name Arzumanov should have a comma after it. Also, all of the hyphens should be replaced with dashes. And don’t even get me started on the artistic value of this work — for example, the shape of the dome, which is poking the о in the word found, speaks volumes.  Here is another fine example of Kolomnology (there is one major mistake — the absence of a hyphen in the word 20-х, or 1920s). Clearly, the text was copied from some book, but brownie points for the overall approach. If it were up to me I’d hang such plaques on every building in every city. Imagine, you walk up to some Khrushchev-era block of flats in one of Moscow’s neighbourhoods, say Medvedkovo. On there would be a plaque saying: “Galina Vasilievna lived here between 1969 and 1983. She never missed an opportunity to pour scalding hot water on the schoolchildren walking past, those rascals shouldn’t be loitering.”  The Lebedev family sweet shop was located here in the first half of the 1920s Here the children of Arbat Street would buy no-frills treats called “toffee for a kopek a piece”. The sweetness would linger on the inside of your cheeks, which is why children from needy families felt they “got their money’s worth” Kolomna’s name has been cleared. Our onward path passed over a river.  Voblya river LukhovitsyMapHome of the cucumber, with accompanying poetry above the town entrance.  Russia has three capitals you see — Moscow, St Petersburg, and Lukhovitsy There’s a monument to a cucumber here.  In honour of the cucumber, who provides for us, from the grateful people of Lukhovitsy This annual vine plant, a vegetable in the gourd family, is the town’s main source of income. This is symbolised by Bank of Russia token money in varying denominations hidden in yet another set of pentagonal leaves with serrated edges resembling propeller blades. The sculptor seems to be hinting that the plant-based motifs on the coins aren’t just “stylized twigs”, but cucumber stalks specifically.  The local cucumbers are superlative. The two kilos I brought home were gone in a matter of seconds, crunch, crunch. ZarayskMap
Our second kremlin of the day — this one’s in Zaraysk. Free entry through the gates. There’s nobody around.  Properly provincial. The air brims with peace and quiet. Nothing ever happens here. The museum is simply called the museum, as befits a provincial town.  Museum Forgotten realities.  Veterans of the Great Patriotic War may jump the queue Bales of hay strewn around the local police station.  Polenov’s painting “The Moscow Courtyard” is on permanent display here.  Home-boundReturning to Moscow on a Sunday evening is no fun. You can hold the steering wheel with your knees.  I stifled a yawn as I drove past the third kremlin of the day. I’ll photograph it next time. |
