KievMapJanuary 23–24, 2014 Covering any kind of event is all about choosing an angle and narrowing your scope. No one’s interested in objective event reporting, because then the news would look like this: “Today, life continued as usual for 99.9999999% of the population.” News stories like that are boring. So the biggest secret to interesting event coverage is to find one forest in the entire country, locate a hunter inside that forest and then look down the barrel of his rifle right as he fires. Whoa! Now that’s captivating. And so, today I offer you an objective report on life in revolutionary Kiev. Friday.  Things are uneasy in Kiev.  Special! Medoff horilka 0,5L — 30 hrn. 50 kop. You can feel the tension in the air.  Young women hurry home earlier than usual in the evenings.  Look! It’s a barrier! Stop! Oh, never mind, it’s just icicles. Whew.  Caution, icicles Everyone walks right under the tape, which was put up with the express purpose of preventing people from walking there.  But there’s nowhere else to walk. So people are forced to put their lives in danger.  The Billionaire reassures its customers with a lack of discounts.  The Ferrari store is offering 50% off.  Meanwhile, guests at the Hyatt are agitated and ordering double cocktails.  Some people are losing their heads.  The Ministry of Justice of Ukraine has already joined the EU.  The cascading waterfalls on the wall of the Intercontinental aren’t working. What happened? Why aren’t they working? All right, chill out, everyone. It’s because it’s −15°C outside.  An ominous fog rises from the heat main.  A one-person protest.  Someone came by and crossed out the R in every instance of “Revolution.”  There’s agitation at the market. Special price for you, my friend! Fresh fruit, what would you like? Salo, come get your salo here!  Commotion in the streets.  The great Ukrainian people are living in hopes of a better future.  Soon, there will be fun! Soon, there will be comfort! |
